FWIW, I hate acronyms.
No, this is not an anti-texting rant. Had it been so, that opening line would have read: “FWIW, I h8 acronyms.” Using abbreviations when texting makes sense. Typing fewer characters is not just convenient, it can save money. Have at it, I say. Give those thumbs a reason for their opposition. 👍
What bothers me are unnecessary acronyms. From congressional bills, military operations, business metrics, government agencies, or sports statistics, acronyms have become the product, not the by-product. Words are painstakingly strung together for the sole purpose of creating a catchy acronym.
Consultant-Rendered-Attention-Provocations. CRAP
What can one do about it? Good question. At first, I thought about waging a WAR. I tried, but everyone thought I was discussing baseball (Wins-Above-Replacement.)
Of course, had I contemplated a real military campaign my advisors would have insisted I create a pithy name first, like Operation ACRONYM. Too late. Congress beat me to that one with its Accountability-and-Congressional-Responsibility-On-Naming -Your-Motions bill of 2015.
Why am I not surprised?
Oh well. Bellicose responses are seldom the best choice, so I decided to WRITE letters expressing my views about this acronym epidemic. All I received for my efforts was a response from the Writing-Reform-Institute-for-Teaching-Excellence asking if I needed ESL assistance. I hadn’t even requested an RSVP! Certainly not one as insulting as that. You’d think I had questioned the merits of the PATRIOT (Provide-Appropriate-Tools-Required-to-Intercept-and-Obstruct-Terrorism) Act of 2001.
Come to think of it, I had.
So, now, I’m resigned to the abbreviated, new world order. Gone are the days when acronyms evolved organically, rather than being crafted to achieve a specific output. SNAFU will never happen again. It became accepted slang after entering common usage, not visa versa. Today, it’s different. Linguistic KPIs have changed. Data-Are-the-Masters-Nowadays: Information-Technology for Algorithms-Lobbyists-and-Lawmakers. DAMN IT ALL.
Peter has spent the past twenty-plus years as an acting/consulting CFO for a number of small businesses in a wide range of industries. Peter’s prior experience is that of a serial entrepreneur, managing various start-up and turnaround projects. He is a co-founder of Keurig.
